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Holy sh*t, holiday weekend. I’m one of the many Americans that doesn’t really understand why we celebrate Labor Day, but, lemme tell ya, I’m thankful for trees or labors or whatever the f*ck is giving me a three-day weekend. God bless our stupid country.

Anywho! We’re brought to yet another weekend full of existential questions that only the stars can answer. Will I meet a guy who isn’t a f*ckboy? Will I make dinner or continue my food delivery order streak? Will I win the lottery and become a successful Instagram influencer? Stay tuned.


The Labor Day weekend has lots of good sh*t in store for you, Virgo. You’ll have romance on the horizon Friday and Saturday, although it may feel a liiiiittle too fast and intense for you. Never fear—it’s a good learning experience. Use the rest of the weekend to flex your creative muscles. Draw a picture of a butterfly or rearrange your fridge by color. It’s gonna be great.


You’re kind of internally freaking out about some impending upheaval, Libra. Chill tf out. Everything’s going to work out in the long run, even if it seems super unsettling and scary right now. Get your mind off things by heading out for a classy (not trashy) dinner and drinks with your partner or bestie. Getting some perspective on sh*t will help.


Get yourself to a motherf*cking Labor Day picnic, Scorpio. You’re usually all about privacy, but this is the perfect opportunity to get out there and be social. Before the partying though, take some time to think about your future and your career. I know it’s boring, but giving some actual thought to what you really want to wake up and do until you’re old, gross, and like, wanna retire, is a great (and v adult) exercise.


The new moon in Virgo on Friday is drifting into your career zone, Sagittarius. That probs doesn’t mean a whole lot, except that honing in on your job wants and needs could totally lead you to someone special (or strengthen a relationship you already have).


Travel, betch. The long weekend is a great opportunity to get tf out of town with someone you care about and work on your communication skills. It isn’t as boring as it sounds. Being able to discuss what you reaaallly want will come in handy. Trust me.


Your mind is consumed by sex, sex, and more sex, Capricorn. You’re stuck thinking about all the insane sh*t in your life controlled by and relating to sex. Weird flex, but okay. The potential to get super overwhelmed is there Friday and Saturday, so try to focus on other things, like Instagram influencers and delivery pizza.


Your partner or bestie is feeling hella creative this weekend, Pisces. It’s a great opportunity to jump in and test your hand at whatever has them riled up. Listen to your gut—you might not be the next Picasso, but you’re better at artsy sh*t than you think you are. Start small, and you might impress yourself.


The planets are aligning and pushing you to go to the gym, Aries. It isn’t exactly how I’d plan on spending my holiday weekend, but live your truth. Try to rope in (see: peer pressure) your friends into going to a class with you. Spin is a lot more entertaining when you can watch Karen gasp for air next to you.


You’re one with nature, Taurus. Get back in touch with the outdoors by heading out for a hike this weekend and appreciating the (almost) fall temperatures. You’ll also not be 100% annoyed by children this weekend, so tell your sister she can bring her kid to brunch. It won’t be as bad as it sounds, promise.


Find your center, Gemini. This weekend, that’ll mean calling on your inner entertainment committee and creating an impromptu picnic or outing to celebrate Labor Day Sunday into Monday. Your friends will like, really appreciate you, and everyone will be mega stoked to have you as a friend. Nice.


Your bestie or SO has been super intense this whole week. Use the three day weekend to focus your energy on clearly communicating with them and calming them tf down. Your words will inspire some majorly chill vibes, allowing you to like, actually relax this weekend.


Love is in the cards this weekend, Leo. If you’re single, Saturday night is prime time to head out and meet someone awesome that appreciates you for you. We’re not saying go hang in your pajamas with no makeup or anything, but you definitely don’t need to go all out trying to snag someone. Don’t expect any new love interests to be a permanent fixture, either. It doesn’t mean they won’t still be special.

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