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Well, it’s January 765th, and we’re still either blindly holding on to those resolutions or gave up about 764 days ago. What do the stars and planets hold for us this weekend? Will you crack (say crack again) and give in on your Keto diet? Will you ghost that guy from Hinge that cried a little more than was acceptable during season seven finale of The Great British Baking Show? Only Jupiter knows, probably!


Make time for friends this weekend, Capricorn. We know that canceling plans is a big #mood for January 2020 (and probably the rest of the year), but the moon in Scorpio makes Friday a prime time to head out for drinks and questionable karaoke bar choices. After a wild night, a friend may ask for advice on Saturday, so try not to freak out and go off about hooking up with investor bros.


You just have a lot of feelings this weekend, Aquarius. After work on Friday, head home and vacuum your house alone, then order takeout and text your mom. Keep plans on the DL on Saturday, too, since you’re going to be feeling more irritable than that time you spent three hours on the phone with Comcast. It isn’t the worst idea to warn friends and family that the planets are sending you bad vibes so everyone knows to back off.


You’re feeling sassy this weekend, Pisces, so don’t pass up the opportunity to travel and take advantage of three days off. Venus and Neptune are pushing your self-esteem up a notch, so go ahead and try to fit into those jeans from college before heading out on the town. You’re doing amazing, sweetie.


The Scorpio moon has you ready to get your freak on this weekend, Aries. First, head out on a date to do something interesting on Friday. It could be tango lessons. It could be watching some really dark porn together. Whichever you choose, it’ll have you primed and ready for a romantic brunch and stroll around town on Saturday to spend money on dumb sh*t. Yay!


Get ready for a fight with your SO on Friday, Taurus. It could finally be the time you snap over him leaving his f*cking dishes in the sink to “soak.” Or, maybe you’ll finally lose your mind over the way he clips his toenails outside a bathroom environment. Whichever you choose to freak out about and whichever Uranus peer pressures you into getting mad at, come Saturday you’ll both be over it and ready to replace white hot rage with breakfast and snuggles.


Seriously, chill tf out this weekend, Gemini. Your boss has been pretty f*cking demanding all week, but if you don’t really want to take all that work home with you, then don’t. You deserve some r&r, fam. If you really need to check your work email on Sunday, go for it, but try not to after leaving Friday and all day Saturday. Focus on important sh*t, like which Starbucks you should visit Saturday morning or whether or not you can ditch SoulCycle this week.


Get creative this weekend, Cancer. You’ve had several artsy fartsy projects on your list for around the apartment, and it’s a great time to finally tackle them. Just remember to leave the windows open if you’re spray painting, since fumes are like, not that chill to inhale over long periods of time. Sunday is prime to head out and try something new, like visiting an art gallery full of pieces you can’t afford, or finally getting over your fear of Korean food.


Focus on family this weekend, Leo. Make a point to connect with siblings and or parents on Friday—maybe over some comforting (see: fattening) food. After listening to your parents bicker, Saturday becomes a great day to practice self-care a la nest duty. Tidy up all the spots you’ve ignored, cook yourself dinner instead of ordering out, and hide your phone for the day.


The moon is highlighting partnership, so whether you want to bond with your SO, your dog, or your bestie, this weekend is a great time to do it. You’ll feel ready to really communicate your feelings on Saturday, so don’t hold back about your emotions when it comes to food or slumber parties with everyone from your newest Tinder connection to your oldest friend.


Stop spending your money on stupid sh*t, Libra. This weekend, the planets are pressuring you into really looking at your finances, and it’s def the adult thing to examine how you’re spending that cash. Is your job supporting the way you want to live? Unless you’re an influencer, probs not, but this weekend is the time to ask yourself the hard questions. Then, organize your sh*t and get your taxes together early, because adulthood.


You’re gonna feel powerful af this weekend, Scorpio. Since you’ll be feeling super confident, Friday is a great night to head out and turn some heads in that new top you’ve been nervous to wear. Saturday you’ll feel inspired to write a novel, start painting, or attempt a level three recipe from Bon Appetit. Sunday is for sleeps and being thankful that you probably don’t have to go to work on Monday.


This weekend is all about sleep, Sagittarius. Sometimes, the cosmos just wants us to chill tf out, stay in our pajamas, and keep the curtains closed. Lucky for you, that’ll be the best way to feel refreshed for next week. Plus, you may get some weird universe-ish messages in your dreams, so try to remember the crazy sh*t going on in your head and jot it down. Next week you can Google what it means to have all of your teeth fall out in a dream.

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